Björn Berg answers questions by the readers of online news outlet Vísir.

A 41-year-old woman asks:

You’re describing one of the great challenges facing parents in Iceland today.

How do we teach our children a healthy work ethic and prepare them to stand on their own two feet?

Money is an important part of raising children. Two things matter especially: what we teach them and how we talk to them.

The second part can be particularly sensitive, because useful lessons don’t help much if no one is listening.

How should we talk to them?

In my course for parents about children and money, I spend quite a bit of time on how to reach teenagers aged 14 to 18.

This age group needs our attention. Teenagers look to their friends, social media and online role models, and that can be risky. They may see constant encouragement to spend too much, gamble or focus only on the short term.

That’s often when we start shouting and slamming doors.

And then all they hear is negativity.

Don’t follow everyone else. Don’t spend everything you earn. Don’t gamble. Don’t buy a car. No more fast food. Don’t do this. Don’t do that.

If we want our teenagers to listen, we also need to show them the positive side of making sensible choices. Above all, we need to speak to them like adults.

Instead of telling them that no one wants to hire a lazy employee, we can encourage them to do well and show them the opportunities that come with standing out at work.

Instead of simply banning them from spending their childhood savings on a car, we can show them how much sooner they might be able to buy an apartment if they choose other ways to get around.

What should we say?

Money shouldn’t be a taboo subject at home.

If we don’t teach our children about money, TikTok will. And that’s not a feasible plan.

So we need to take responsibility ourselves and help them develop healthy attitudes towards money.

That starts with simple and very clear rules at home.

This is how things are done in our household. There should be no confusion about it. It doesn’t matter how things work in other homes. We don’t compare ourselves with other families.

I don’t think children should simply be handed pocket money, and I don’t think we should lend them money. That only teaches them that money can appear without effort.

Some household tasks should be done without pay, such as mowing the lawn and doing laundry, as you mentioned. Other tasks may be paid for up to a certain age, but only in modest amounts.

It’s healthy and useful for teenagers to learn to work early and earn money for the things they want beyond the basic needs their parents cover.

It’s also important to repeat the basic rules often.

No loans. Nothing is bought unless the money is already there. Always save.

Parents also need to teach their children how to work.

That means showing up on time, accepting extra shifts, doing the job properly and not pretending to be ill. We should also teach them how to work out what is left after tax, how to keep their own simple budget and how to save for both short-term and long-term goals.

We speak to them like adults, but we should also remember that they still need help.

The best financial support parents can give their teenagers is to teach them to become financially independent.

Financially independent children are also less likely to need financial help from their parents later on, which makes life easier for everyone.

Does this work?

Every parent-child relationship is different, and families communicate in different ways.

Still, I think children and parents can usually agree on one thing: they all want life to be good and enjoyable in the future.

That’s a good place to start.

You and your daughters can probably agree, for example, that none of you wants you to keep being the bad guy.

You also probably want them to be able to buy a home one day and enjoy life. That kind of future, unfortunately, isn’t usually prepared for by spending the whole summer on the sofa watching Netflix.

So what can you agree to do now, together, so that all of you are better off next year than you are today?

Could they cook dinner now and then and take more responsibility for household tasks?

Could you teach them to save, and perhaps all of you save together for a fun trip or a cosy Christmas?

It may be good for all of you if they take on more responsibility, both for their own money and through some participation in the household finances.

It all starts with a conversation.

But don’t shout at them to turn off the TV.

Ask whether they’d be up for a chat when the episode is over.